Monday, July 19

I like to eat things.

“I’m not even hungry, but I want to EAT SOMETHING.”

I texted that to Jeremy just now, and as soon as I hit ‘send’ I had an epiphany: I am an eater.

That sounds like the worst epiphany ever, but I realized that I eat when I’m bored, I eat when I’m happy, I eat when I’m sad, I eat when my kids do, I eat during movies, I eat just for the crunch of food in my mouth.

Which may explain how I’ve come to be 20 pounds heavier than I was on the day I delivered my first child.
Which was 30 pounds heavier than the day I discovered I was pregnant with my first child.
I was actually really proud of those 30 pregnancy pounds. Everyone swore that looking from the back, you couldn’t even tell I was pregnant. And they said that even when I wasn’t suffering from progesterone madness. But that was healthy heavy, and this, now, is not.

So, I’ve stopped eating.

No, I haven’t developed a mid-life case of anorexia quarter-life crisis; I’ve just stopped eating all the time. And I’ve stopped eating processed sugars. And I’ve stopped eating carby, delicious starches. And I started stopping it all around 10:30 last night.

For the next few weeks my diet will consist of these:
chicken breasts, white fish, shrimp…
cucumber, spinach, lettuce, tomatoes…
strawberries, grapefruit, apples, lemon juice…
and water…
in various combinations, enhanced by various herbs and spices.

Because me? I’m all or nothing. I have no middle ground; I swing wildly from excess to deprivation. I am joyful or despondent. I have some sort of head disorder.
In any case, for lunch today I had lemon garlic shrimp (which I somehow screwed up, chef that I am not) in a bed of spinach. It was supposed to be a salad. It didn’t quite achieve. For dessert I had four large and in charge strawberries.
(photo from

And I’m not. even. hungry.
I’ve never been a breakfast eater, and though I know it’s the most important meal of the blah blah blah, it is easiest for me to ignore it. I still wasn’t hungry this morning, but by 11:30 I decided I better feed myself something. I ate slowly (as slowly as possible when one is masticating all up on some seriously chewy shrimps), and tried to enjoy my healthful meal. The strawberries saved my much-disputed sanity.

It was the post-meal craving to be crunching that allowed my revelation-- I have been eating way too much for way too long.

Having given myself a very strict diet (and plenty of H2O) I am aware of what I am, or more precisely, what I am not eating. I want to be more conscious of the way I treat my body, and in the process, hope to reduce the mass of said body. You know, treating my body like a temple, and all that jazz. Glorifying God in not just my words, but with my whole physical being. Appreciating what I’ve been given, instead of stuffing it with harmful, but oh… so tasty… chow.

After a few weeks of this, my own personal cleansing, I’ll slowly add back in whole grains and raw sugars, but not in the capacity I once consumed.

And, most heartbreakingly, no more Dr. Pepper. I can’t start again just to stop one more time.

We all just barely survived my caffeine withdrawal.



  1. I'm kind of bummed you only plan to live to be 50. :-) (Mid-life case of anorexia)

    Otherwise, good luck with the healthier eating. I absolutely need to do the same thing. I am in the pre-diet "psyching myself up" phase.

  2. @Audreya-
    Ok, I edited.

    I'll be your track-suited diet coach, if I make it to the other side.

  3. I'm bouncing around between healthy eating and exercising. I try to eat healthy and get frustrated. Then decide I can be 'bad' just so long as I exercise. And then never do. I need to either work my body out more or my mouth a little less.
    Good luck! (also, I'm a crazy all or nothing person too!)

  4. Eat breakfast! I'm not a big breakfast girl myself, but Jon swears it's key to eat breakfast right when you get up, preferably a bowl of non-sugary cereal. 1) It's a great source of fiber, and 2) It lets your body know that it is NOT in a time of famine, that there will be plenty of food, and there's no need to hold tight to every calorie you consume by converting it to fat and saving it for later. So, choke down some toast or a bowl of cereal first thing in the morning. And good luck!

  5. for what it's worth, I was at least 30 before I learned to feed myself properly. I had purposely deprived myself of food all my life. I didn't even know how to recognize hunger. those are my head issues. then I realized I really liked food and ok, let's me honest, cocktails. now I'm trying to get myself back in balance. but it's hard. for a lot of us. you'll find your balance.

    but for real, eat breakfast. it really makes a HUGE difference.

  6. G.I. Joe says, knowing is half the battle. I know my eating triggers, like you it was an epiphany. But it hasn't helped, I still eat.

    Read the article in Little Rock Family. I'm so excited about bloggers in Arkansas!

    I'm following!

  7. @Audreya-
    Ok, I edited.

    I'll be your track-suited diet coach, if I make it to the other side.


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